her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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