We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
