I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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