I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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