I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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