If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
