I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
