Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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