I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
