so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
