My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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