Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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