bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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