you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
