Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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