i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
