maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
