Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
