i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
