So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
