I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
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Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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