Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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