I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
