Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
