What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
