I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It's blow job season.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Randomize
