I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
