dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
