apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
