I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
