So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
