Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
