Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
