I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
