I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
