so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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