Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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