I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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