is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
