So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
