I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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