I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
