If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
