he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
