You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
