True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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