recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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