Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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