Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have aggressive nipples.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
