We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
