Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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