I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
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she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
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The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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