I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
