Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
