I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
