yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
