i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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