I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You can't just leave with hair like that
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
