Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
