You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
