just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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