I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize