They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
