so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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