Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
