Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
