I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
