I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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