The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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