I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I won't apologize to a one balled man
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
