Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
