Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
