I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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