It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
